For the innocent, Halloween is witches ’n’ pumpkins, ghosts ’n’ goblins, black cats, and tricks or treats. For the humorless, it’s a time of evil—a celebration of the occult culminated by a Devil’s Night. That’s the same ignoramus who would tell a kid there is no Santa Claus … never realizing his own true identity.
Any kid who didn’t have a haunted house in his neighborhood probably also missed out on 3 Musketeers bars, chewy wax Coke bottles filled with sugary syrup, and those rock-hard colored dots on a strip of paper (about twelve inches worth for a penny at Hotkins Drug Store). Halloween was at least a week’s worth of cackling witches, cardboard skeletons, carved pumpkins, and scary stories. We even had costume parties at school, replete with tricolored corn candies and sugary cookies baked for the occasion by somebody’s mom. You could do that back then, without fear of winding up in court because some kid broke a tooth. Mischief night, of course, was a blur of soaped windows, TP’d trees, and doorbells rung by giggling pranksters sprinting away into the night.
For me, Halloween is the gateway holiday. It heralds the start of the most wonderful time of year, where Thanksgiving is the top of the stretch and Christmas is the finish line. Substitute Hanukkah for Christmas, where my Jewish friends are concerned, and toss a handful of lesser holidays into the blender to whip up a hefty helping of political correctness for the rest. I simply don’t celebrate everything—but unlike those who seem to be missing the bone in their head that says, “Other people are entitled to have different beliefs from you,” I don’t feel offended by anyone expressing their beliefs, whatever they may be. I purposely avoided mentioning New Year’s because that’s a holiday geared mostly toward grown-ups, and I’ve been trying to avoid that condition for years!
Kids bring holidays to life. When our “crew” was home, Vigi somehow always managed to turn any special day into an entire season— even birthdays. So from Halloween on, we had seasons within seasons! While I still enjoy turning a pumpkin into a jack-o’lantern, I’m afraid my costume-donning days came to a screeching, grinding halt with the gorilla suit. Without going into eye-glazing detail, suffice to say that it was a hit at the party, a riot in traffic, and Jungle Jane was a tad bulkier than I thought as I attempted to carry her through the door! Your imagination can do the rest.
When I was an actual kid, I dressed up as everything from a cowboy to a clown, from a monster to my own sister—the one I never had! Mom’s shoes even fit me for a few years, and a babushka covered my shorter locks instead of a wig. I completely abused anatomical grapefruits! I did the usual door-to-door thing but somehow could never bring myself to say, “Trick or treat!” It was always, “Anything for Halloween?” I think one old curmudgeon on the block was a socialist, because he used to take candy out of my bag and give it to the kid behind me. Mr. Kreitzer notwithstanding, Halloween was a blast!
I’m not exactly sure what they do for Halloween anymore. All I know is, the supply of door-knocking ghosts and goblins is thinning with each passing year. I have an electronic doorbell that I program with spooky sounds, and still put out the pumpkin. I refuse to give it all up; my memories are too glorious, and Halloween will always mean the beginning of all those magical holidays. No matter what the changes on the outside and contrary to what I said earlier, in my heart I’ll always know my dad really was the strongest guy on the block, Superman really can fly, and Santa Claus is not only alive and well … he is me!
–– From Chapter 12 "Holidays" in "The People Puzzle"
